nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so let's talk penis.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
