I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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