So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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