If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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