My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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