i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
