I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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