Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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