I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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