Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
