I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
