i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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