i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize