so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize