So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just threw up on my dentist
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i came on her dog
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize