There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
