i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
