She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
