If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
