I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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