jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
