She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
