Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
