What a fucking waste of an outfit
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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