BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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