just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
