Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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