Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
