I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
