Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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