You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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