He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
