sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
nutella sex= disaster
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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