Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
