my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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