dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
