hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize