my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
