so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
