Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
