curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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