I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
