so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
