Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
