I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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