drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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