Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
