dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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