Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
