I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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