Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
