My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
