New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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