In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Let's get the cat blown out
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
