Can i not drive my cunt home
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
