His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
being pregnant is like rehab
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize