I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
