someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You have to summon your inner elephant
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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