i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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