they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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