why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
