college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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