How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
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