You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
