yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
