it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Hippo gnu deer
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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