I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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