Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
