So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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