He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize