google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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