I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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