Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize