She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
