i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
