wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
