these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
