I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
