its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
