I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
