I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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