I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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