We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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