I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
