Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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