There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
