You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
