so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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