Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize