i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
God gave him joint rollers for hands
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
