so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
