we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
