ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
