my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
