i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I wish there were birth control emojis
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
