My nipple is on Facebook.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
